Holy Mother of God

The reality is the TullyBuckMan is back with his balderdash. A lot of water under the bridge since you last heard from me and a lot of cash squandered. Regardless some people can splash out like the drug dealer who got his passport back so he could go to Spain for Xmass. When asked where he got the money “mammy paid for it “. The judge believed him and sent him on his way.



J .P. Mcmanus splashed out 30000 stg for drinks at Towester racecourse after his jockey A. P. Mccoy won his 4000 winner. He then sang a bar of a song.

 Holy Mother of God 

where did my money go 

send for Eddie Hobbs 

diddle di di do. 

Later he announced that he could not afford another round as he was after loosing his health card in the budget. The good news is that he and Bono's grandchildren will have free GP service in the new-year..... Not to mention Mickey O' Leary of Ryan Air fame. In fairness to the latter he repeateadly says its absurb that he is getting childrens allowance. Means test my arse. Good luck to those who will avail of free G.P.  As it is great news for families with sick children. The down side is that the scheme will be abused like the health card. I could never understand why a limit to the number of visits on a card was never introduced.

I am just typing this as Enda is addressing the nation. Same old waffle as he is proud of restoring the min wage, or was it Labour.  If it is restored they have gone down deeper into the pocket to remove any gain.

2014 will see the end of town councils and town commissioners. One of the last functions of Belturbet town commissioners is to provide a bus shelter in the town.  Under strict planning regs it can only be a certain size.

Following is a draft I have to propose.

Those with a bus pass will be accommodated first. They will be means tested and stress tested. Foreign nationals will be given preference to avoid discrimination. Those paying for the diesel will be asked to stand outside.  Anyone making a nuisance of themselves or under the influence will be accommodated first. This is based on the same principles that apply at A/E's up and down the country. In the event of the bus breaking down passengers will be taken to Loughan house where on arrival they will be given a four course meal and a room with flat screen TV before their departure they will listen to short talk by Sen. Francie O'Brien on the pros and cons of diesel laundering in the greater Monaghan area.  He informs them that his only regret is he did not get into the business with his good friend “Fingers Fingleton”.  Then he could supply Bus Eireann with an ample supply of diesel.

Next item on the the agenda is a name for the new bridge.

The commissioners will be locked in the town hall until a name is agreed. Four bands will be contacted. Kelly the Pied Piper will be proposed but will not be recommended as one comm says he has only one tune and as the journey from town to the bridge is too far he would have to play the tune 5 times. Another proposal is the Border Defenders band but this ruled out as the only play in July/August. The Derrylin War Pipers are suggested but are not available as it is the poteen making season and there is an acute shortage of same in the greater Ballyconnell area. The Bunnoe Brass Band will rally to the cause and shall be accommodated in “Lilly Bordello's”.  When white smoke billows from the town hall the band will assemble in an upright position and all will march to the bridge. On arrival they will be met by MEP's on the canvas trail first will be Mareaid McGuiness who will give a demo, on how to milk a goat. Marion Harkins will inspect a guard of honour from the Cavan/Monaghan carers. She only cares when elections are in the air . She will then give a demo on how to roll a joint sponsered by Ming Flanagan. She will then announce that there is one for everyone in the audience.  Ming is unable to attend as he is footing turf in the bog.  Pat the Cope Gallagher arrives with a fishing rod and states “theres not a fish left in Killybegs.  He announces he is not running for election as he has three pensions already and would be unable to spend another.  Anyway he says “ theres not enough women in politics”.  Mammy Rourke will not attend as she fears her hair piece would be blown into the river as she needs the hair in shape for all the chat shows she has lined up.  She explains that the old Lenehan dinesty has to be maintained as there is always a Donnie Cassidy lurking in the wings.  Joe finnegan is unavailable as he went shopping with the love of his life.  He is not at liberty to disclose where he got the money.  He can only discuss teachers, nurses, health board workers, politicians, public servants, etc. Clr. Sean Smith will arrive and throw his “hands free kit” into the river. Clr. John Paul Feeley will propose that the river be linked to the Shannon Pot to boost tourism. Clr. Sean McKiernan will jump bollock naked into the river for charity.  He will be rescued by a unit of Civil Defence.  On arrival back on the bridge he will state the popolur pun of the moment “dont stop giving to charities”------even Mrs. Brown is at it.

A better idea to line up the board of the CRC and use the one bullet.  As Pat Short says !Sur ye cant do that! Vincent Brown will pay a visit after an overnight stay in a halting site he says he wants to get to know the people better.  He exclaimed---isnt it extraordinary that there is no brothel in town. It begars belief with all the foreign nationals tooing and frooing noone has opened a shop afterall if caught you skip across the border or avail of free legal aid. He then attacks the bridge with a pinch bar supplied by Pavee Point. Gerry Adams will arrive and complain theres no place to plant a bomb in the bridge in the event of an invasion. Mary Lou is next to appear and is immediately told by Clr. Damien Brady to button up her front in case of the flu after her sun tan holiday. She declares to the waiting press that “its beyond the beyonds why this bridge was built in the first place as the traffic could be directed into Miltown where jobs could be created for lollypop men. You could also give planning permissiom to Tesco to open a store where 150 jobs would be created on a three hour week on the minimum wage. 

Aonghus O'Snodhaig arrives in a hiace van and commences to sell ink cartridges.  He says he needs the money as a top up on hearing this Eamon Gilmore tweets "Its Belturbets way or no way”.   Mick Wallace arrives next on his Harley Davison with his fluisie Clare Daly.  Mick wants to know is there much fracking going on here. Clare jumps off the bike and says “I'll only have one hot whiskey as Brady is bagging at Annagh Lake. Seamus Fay will lilt the first thirty two verses of Skibereen. Paddy Downes will sing his own version of the Mayor of Butlersbridge, Banjo Corrigan will sing the first two verses of “Charlie from Cootehill” and then state "I thought I would never see a bridge built between the Belturbet Rories and the Drumlane Tories".   Phil the Tank Hogan will not attend as he is inspecting septic tanks in Mongolia.  He has taken one female adviser with him in case his shoe lace opens.  On their flight home they will stop off at the grave of Nelson Mandela where a wreath will be laid on behalf of the Turf Cutters of Ireland because of his failure to attend an effigy of big Phil will be f..Ckalised on the bridge.

Last item on the agenda will be a gay marriage ceremony where the happy couple will be suspended upside down from the parapet. The short service will be conducted by the Rev. Sidebottom. After the couple will preform a dance known as the Gay Gordons. Everyone will be invited back to the Shoes for dinner to mark the occasion. Menu shots will consist of poiteen from a Teemore Distillery and laced with Guinness. This will be sponsered by the Border Regional Authority. The starter will consist of frogs legs from the Annaguig Bog project. Duck will be provided from the river by Red Terry who says he is more used to foul (language) since the horse meat scandal. The duck will be cooked by big Fred (the German Clockwinder) who declares” the Irish cannie cooka duck they can only f...K a duck”. The banquet will conclude with the combined singing of  “a Bridge over Troubled Waters” as the soldiers song may offend. 

Long live Ballymagash every TV programme at the moment has advice on cooking,  my advise is turn your bird three times and to those looking for a bird if you cant lift her don't shift her. 

The two most popular books in the bridge area at present are “the Book of Kells” and "Forty Shades of Grey". 

Breaking news: the NRA has informed the commissioners that hurricane lamps will be allowed to light up the bridge as the parafin can be sourced across the border. Them so sos in the Troika are at it again. 

After this document is analyized I could be f..Ckalized too.  

The star once again goes to those provided the xmas decorations and gave of there time to erect same. I did not make much effort my self as I've discovered a long time ago a left handed DIY man carries a health and safety warning.

I wish everybody at home and especially those spending Xmass and the New Year all over the globe health happiness and prosperity in the year ahead.

 p.s. I have not disclosed the name of the bridge